Hey Guys

I haven't really gotten on here in a while. So most of my stuff is deleted, but I'm gonna start trying to write each day if I can. Soo yes. Here is Rae's first journal:

What is a friend? What good are they to us when we don't know if they are truly our friend? How can you tell that you have a true friend by your side and not one who will turn and run at the first sign of trouble? You don't know, there is no possible way to be able to tell until that happens.

It makes life hard to deal with, and I've recently learned that a friend, is someone who you don't think will understand what you go through...and yet they are there for you while the world shuts you out. I have had so many arguments because of the fact of friendship, and it makes me sick to my stomach to realize how much time you can waste because of another person who you think you love.

It makes you doubt what love is. Here you were, fighting for something you believed in when you thought everyone was behind you, but when a huge bolder of an issue falls in front of you, then is when you realize just who you spend your time with. To have a TRUE friend, you should argue with them because life isn't perfect and everyone has problems at one time or another, also you will make up sooner or later because you both realize that you fight over the stupid small stuff.

But to not be accepted for who you are, do not put yourself through it. I can tell you from experience that it's not worth the pain of that confrontation. Plus, all that is left of the pain is a hate that burns with a fiery passion that won't fade away. I know pain, my life seems to be made up of just pain currently. But when I finally look around me at how it affected the other people in my life, I realize that the only way to move on, is to stop living in the ifs and buts and to just take the plunge, say what needs to be said, and move on with your life.

Because of how I've been treated in the past, I don't trust a lot of people, but those whom I trust fully (and you know who you are) I would give anything to not lose them, so when I see them hurt, it hurts me also. And it makes me so mad to see stuff wasted because someone turned around something that I said and used my own words against me, someone who I trust, you lose that trust very quickly. To be used that badly, I'd seriously give anything to run into that person in a dark alley late at night, because then I'd give that person a piece of my mind, as they properly deserve. I will NOT put up with being walked on, and I'm through with acting like I'm blind to how the others around me fare emotionally.

That's all for now! Bye you guys!

Rae